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Emotionalism V2.0

What Music Does to My Brain

July 31, 2015 Comments (2) Views: 1577 My Collection of Musings

Emotionalism V4.0 – Being Real to Both of Us

So, there comes this point where I commit myself to writing, and have to accept the fact that at some point: I’ll cut deep enough for some reality to flow through.

I’m okay with that.

I just want you to be ready. I think that you, as a reader, needs to know that what is flowing under this seemingly still surface is as far from “still”, as the surface of the sun is from “chilly”. You pour enough moderately priced whiskey on anything; it is amazing what you’ll find. So, what I am going to do is stop for a second, collect my thoughts, give up on judgment, and just go. I am a writer for fuck’s sake…I need to write.

Here we go:

My earbuds are tucked in deep enough into my silly head that the whispers of my inspiration won’t cause you to stir. I giggle at that. I giggle that I am so worried about your rest, while I drag myself into that spiky pit of insomnia. I glance at the powder on my desk. I’m just praying that you don’t wake up to find the reason why I am awake. I don’t want you to see this side of me…

The side of me that is more comfortable falling apart behind the closed doors of your quiet, beautiful sleep. The part of me that hides behind your sense of contentment, because this ugliness that lives in me scares the shit out of me, and I am supposed to be the strong one. The part of me that watches your stunning naked figure in pure amazement. The part of me that laments in my own dreams of what we could have been.

You see, Sweetheart, I’m supposed to fight these dragons. Yes, Ma’am, even the ones that claw their way from between my own ribs. They fight, and drive, and tear me apart – and whatever is left of me is supposed to slay them on their way out…

I’m here to tell you, Babygirl, I’m tired of slaying dragons…

I want to put down my guns.
I want to shed this armor.
I want to crawl in that bed next to you and feel our skin touch for the first time. Your sway over my mind, heart, and soul still confuses me to this day, but again, it’s not something I want to conquer. it’s just something I dream to be a part of.

So I’m taking my finger off of the pulse of what I thought my life should have been. I’m stepping away from these demons that trap me up against the walls of my past. I’m just going to stand here in front of you with the promise of the rest of my life…

And hope you hear me…

Through your sleep…

While I whisper in your ear.

2 Responses to Emotionalism V4.0 – Being Real to Both of Us

  1. Dan Boek says:

    Enjoyed that: Thanks Dan Boek

  2. Creslyn says:

    Got to your website after reading “7 Tips To Keep Your Life in Balance” on FB. I was…well let’s say surprised…while reading the article you get a sense of the person….then I found out at the end it was written by a male writer. Not trying to sound sexist at all…it’s because the men around me in my life don’t really see that balance is needed….it’s more of indulging into anything they really like all the time….very childish, but I do get that way myself at times. šŸ˜‰
    Segue….I did like the circle representation over a scale….makes more sense to me since there are always multiple things going on in life.
    I then got to your website and read the Badger Story…..very funny! You are a great storyteller. I then read this and am very moved by your words. Love the line “So Iā€™m taking my finger off of the pulse of what I thought my life should have been.”
    I look forward to reading more of your work.
    Thanks for being you and sharing your thoughts!

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